"No day but today..."

Oh, Markus,

I keep thinking about how unfair it is that your life was cut so very short. I do not see the sense in it, nor do I care to. My anger at the loss of you makes it easier to cope with my sadness. So, forgive me, I'm going to be mad for a little while. Maybe a long while.

I already miss you terribly and it's only been hours. You were a wonderful friend, even on your grumpy days. I have so many happy memories with you that I will carry and treasure forever.

The purpose of this blog was for me to track my travel adventures, so I thought this post may not be appropriate, no matter how therapeutic. Ironically, though, one of my first independent travel adventures was with you. Our trip to Wyoming to visit Nick is a very bright spot in my travel journal. Because of my inadequacies as a travel partner, I was so lucky to have you. You were an excellent travel buddy. Remember how I forgot my ID and didn't realize it until Wendy was driving us to the Chicago airport? Or how I kept falling asleep when you drove us home in the middle of the night so that I could get to work on time the next day? Or how you made me laugh by being goofy on the moving sidewalks while our flight was delayed for so long in Denver? Not too mention driving all around Laramie looking for the Walmart so that I could cook obscene amounts of food for all of those silly car people.

Everything about that trip was a traveler's dream: unexpected adventures, no itinerary, exploration, good eats, and great friends. Here's a photo from our trip since you left in such a hurry, I know you probably forgot to take the album with you:


I feel overwhelmed with guilt when I think about all that is ahead of me and all you were not able to experience. You had such big, unorganized dreams for your life... just like me. That's probably why I found such a kindred spirit in you. You were a wanderer, for sure, but never lost. Looking for something, though not quite sure what. So much I identified with.

You're heart was as big as this great, big world I plan on experiencing and there's a place in mine that you've always occupied. I'll keep you right there, if you'll stay, and take you with me wherever I may go.

I am determined, now, to live this next year in memory and honor of you, Mark. I promise to do it all to the absolute fullest, to live every second as my last. You had so much more to give. I promise to share your big bear hugs with all I meet, and spread your life and love all around the world. Oh, and I'll check in on your mom every now and then, too. :-)

I am so lucky to have been blessed with your presence in my life, even if for such a short time.

I dig you, Markus.

Bear down. Save me a spot close to you!

Love always and forever,

Molly